03: Silver Linings— an Inquiry
Whew! Okay chat: Heeyy… long time, no talk… We already made it halfway through April; time flies, right? For a moment of transparency, if I’m being honest, I don’t really know how I feel about that. I feel like I’m dangerously close to that feeling I had when I first started this blog— aimless? Like, remember when Katy Perry asked “Do you ever feel so paper thin like a house of cards one blow from caving?” OK well my answer would be YES, chile! But, I continue to find solace in her declaration that I am a firework so I continue to press toward the mark… whatever the mark is.
I digress— So, this weeks big picture idea is that silver linings are good and we should strive to find them (often, I think). But the gag is, we have to consciously be careful not to weaponize them against our perception of reality.
Just for context—
A few years ago I watched a film called “Silver Linings Playbook” because the title intrigued me. “Silver Linings?” I thought… “What the heck does that mean?” Long story short, the film focused on finding hope amidst adversity. It highlighted the importance of human connection. It was ultimately, in my opinion, a very moving depiction demonstrating the importance of resilience when facing the challenges of life. Fast forward to today— I LOVE finding silver linings. I think it’s one of those habits/practices that enhance your outlook on life. I guess it’s sort of the same incentive as “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. At the same time, I sometimes find myself escaping reality. What I mean by this is that sometimes I will dismiss the negative or heavier emotions I would otherwise feel if I weren’t gaslighting myself and telling myself “it’s fine,” or “could be worse”. I hope that made sense… Whatever— moving on.
This weeks insight should be short and sweet… just a penny for thought. So, here goes it—
Inquiry: What do I mean by ‘weaponize against our perception of reality?’
Follow me— (1) I spent 3 years at an institution I didn’t particularly love, graduated early suma cum laude. (2) After doing that, I am left with student loan debt which I have no idea how I am going to pay off. (3) I am working two jobs, 40 hrs a week, making a seemingly decent income; yet, I have nothing to show for it. (4) I continue to apply to ‘real jobs’ and have yet to even hear back from any of them ever.
Since I’m already filing my grievances, I’ll add in the fact that these said ‘real jobs’ always want me to have numerous years of experience. How the hell will I ever get these years of experience if nobody will hire me? Beyond that, how will I ever get hired if people with whole ass PhD.’s are applying for the entry level jobs that are supposed to be for me… TO ENTER MY DESIRED FIELD OF WORK WHICH I STUDIED AND ACCUMULATED DEBT FOR. (*screaming in black confusion*) I’m just saying it doesn’t make sense and every time I think about it, I’m projected into a tizzy because my brain just cannot rationalize any of it. On top of all of this, I genuinely cannot for the life of me figure out my love life, but that could be a blog post all on its own. Maybe this was too much information but whatever.
Whew! Ok, Moving on.
What does any of this have to do with ‘weaponization’ against my perception of reality? Well, I could find the silver lining in all of this: (A) at least I’m still young and have plenty of life left ahead of me. (B) I still live with my parents so at least I’m not worried about making sure I keep a roof over my head or food in the refrigerator. (I can’t even imagine having to do that with the way my life is looking right now so shout out to anyone who’s doing it— you’re winning! You’re doing so great! I am incredibly proud of you!)
On the flip side side of these silver linings, I reckon, is where this idea of weaponization is coming from. (Reminder, this is all just a big question I’ve been asking myself and I’m just trying to figure it out… talk therapy wasn’t working, remember?)
So, while it is true that things in my life could be much worse and I very well may just be going through the motions of being 20 something, reality remains: this whole situation is f*cked up. I am unhappy with where I am in my life. I don’t feel hopeful or optimistic about my future or trajectory of my life; at least not most of the time. Simply put: I am actually intensely scared and immensely unsure. With that, instead of using the silver lining(s) simply as a means to keep my mental health afloat, I could use it as a mechanism to reframe my perception of what is actually happening in my life. I could use them as an excuse to party my life away and not make any real steps toward my goals for the future or ambitions for my life, generally. I could weaponize my silver linings by reframing it in my head as a reason to not care or subconsciously escape the weight of my feelings toward my current situation(s).
So, try to catch my drift—
As aforementioned, I’ve developed a fascination with the concept of a silver lining. I marvel at the idea of its essence. The full saying is “every cloud has a silver lining” and I love that so much. It’s so positive and hopeful. The metaphor suggests that even in the midst of darkness there are glimmers of light; light that is always worth pointing out because it reminds us that even the worst events are capable of presenting some pittance of positivity or hope. At the same time, sometimes situations are just all bad… and that’s okay! I mean, it sucks… but it’s okay! It’s life!
I guess the incentive I’m trying to get across is that yes, we should always strive to see the bright side. In a way, silver linings can be used as a coping mechanism for dealing the hardships of life; however, as with all coping mechanisms, they can metamorphose into something harmful. While any coping mechanism can offer temporary relief, unhealthy ones often yield long term negative consequences. I would consider “chronic avoidance of hard-to-deal-with realities” to be a long term negative response, and I presume that’s what comes from the misuse or unhealthy dependency (or as I phrased it earlier, ‘weaponization’) on/of “silver linings”.
I’m not entirely sure where I was going with all of this, but I’m glad I was able to flush the thought out. I just want to encourage everyone (myself, particularly) to keep your head up. Yes, times may be hard right now and yes maybe we want to drown our sorrows in bottles of liquor or on dance floors in sh*tty bars/clubs… We are young! We are turnt! We are getting hotter and hotter everyday! However, I think it’s worth reminding all of us that at the end of that high, reality is still reality and we will have to deal with it eventually. We can’t outrun life. Sh*t happens. So I guess the message is: stay positive, but stay real. ‘Cus life isn’t playing with none of us.
Cheers,
Ananda